collapsed:

some people are so pretty I can’t tell if I want them or want to be them

(Source: collapsed)

17,491 notes

amenpenis:

Cute fun nicknames for your significant other

  • pop
  • six
  • squish
  • uh uh!
  • cicero
  • lipschitz

16,155 notes

Anonymous said: "I'm pregnant and it's yours."

"I’m pregnant and it’s yours.

Those weren’t really the words that Simon had been expecting Izzy to say to him.

Actually, he wasn’t quite sure what words he had been expecting Izzy to say to him.  That morning, when he had received the text from his girlfriend demanding he meet her at Taki’s immediately, he had feared the worse.  The worse, as in, something had happened with her brother or Jace, or maybe even Clary that Simon hadn’t found out about already.

Instead, it was to drop the bombshell.

Granted, Izzy hadn’t seemed too worried about it, more like it was a hassle, or an unexpected bump in the road, but Simon was probably just watering things down for how she was taking them.  Honestly, he was surprised that his ass hadn’t been kicked yet.  Izzy had always given off that vibe that one wrong move and his ass would be kicked from here all the way to Timbuktu or someplace.

Then again, if Izzy wasn’t so bothered about it, she probably hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet.  On the other hand, the nonchalance with which Izzy had delivered the news, and that recognizable glint in her green eyes had also implied the story that she had told someone, and they insisted on her telling him.

It was probably Clary.  Or Maia.  Izzy could have always told both, and it was a joint pressuring.

Still, Simon sincerely hoped that she hadn’t told Jace.  Or her brother.  All three of them were fiercely protective over one another in a weird way that probably made more sense before, rather than now.

Simon sincerely hoped that she hadn’t told her brother.  Seeing as Alec’s boyfriend was a warlock, Simon had no doubt that Alec would have very little trouble convincing Magnus to turn him into something rather horrible (a rat again? Simon had been told he had spent some time as a rat, before) as vengeance for knocking up his little sister.

(Surely Izzy would convince Alec to have Magnus turn him back, right?)

(Right?)

by-ogdens-hammer:

moryera-thorne:

Put one of these in my askbox to see how my Muse reacts.

ginger-salad:

"My parents know."
“Don’t go.”
“You’re under arrest.”
“Just let me die.”
“I’m pregnant and it’s yours.”
“Make me.”
“Kiss me you idiot.”
“I didn’t do it.”
“That isn’t mine.”
“Marry me?”
“Truth hurts, don’t it?”
“Be mine.”
“You owe me.”
“Just relax.”
“I already regret this.”
“Where are my clothes?”
“You could have killed someone!”
“I think I broke it.”
“Do you love me?”
“We need to talk.”
“Never again.”
“Do I know you?”
“How drunk are you right now?”
“Well that was unexpected.”
“Have you ever even done this before?”
“I just want to cuddle.”
“I can’t even look at you.”
“What happened to you?”
“Don’t you dare.”
“I missed you.”
“This stays between us.”
“I need a hug.”
“I could kill you!”
“Kiss me.”
“You’re so weird.”
“Why are you wearing that?”
“You coward.”
“You’re all out of ____.”
“You. Come. Snuggle. NOW!”

“I think I’m forgetting something.”
“This seems familiar.”
“You lied to me!”
“Are you threatening me?”
“Is that my shirt?”
“Where did you find this?”
“Explain yourself.”
“Where were you?”
“You drive me crazy!”
“I think I’m falling in love with you. “
“Are you even listening to me?”
“Just leave me alone.”
“I need a drink.”
“What were you thinking?”
“I dare you.” or “I dare you to _____.”
“I’m going to be sick.”
“For you, I would _____”
“Just what did we do last night?”
“Give it back.”
“I have to go.”
“Shut up and listen.”
“Do you remember this?”
“Want to hear a secret?”
“Take responsibility.”
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Give me another chance.”
“Don’t you dare come near me!”
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“You mean everything to me.”
“Why yes, I am as think as you drunk I am.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“I miss you so very much.”
“No, that can’t be my baby.”
“Just five more minutes.”
“No! You can’t die on me now!”
“That’s the cheesiest pickup line I’ve ever heard.”
“Put. The. Weapon. Down.”
“What are we doing here?”
“Do you trust me?”
“That sounds painful.”
“Are you even listening to yourself?”
“I’m not speaking to you anymore.”
“I can’t believe you missed that.”
“That was a bad plan.”
“That looked easier on TV.”
“I’ve never heard that one before.”
“I didn’t know you could do that.”

I love this idea and I want to write let’s do it

(Source: kimxkibummie)

13,380 notes

My therapist just told me a joke.

nehoynehoy14:

lilysinthefall:

professorfangirl:

timemachineyeah:

So this girl walks up to another girl and says “Hey, have you heard of the Bechdel Test?”

And the other girl says, “Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day!”

SIT DOWN.

i don’t get it

I feel like this is an inside joke that I am not getting

94,364 notes

apollofastingdionysusdrunk:

I’m quite a calm person, but if someone mentions musicals it’s like bam ONE DAY MORE TO REVOLUTION I THINK IT’S TIME TO TRY DEFYING GRAVITY TWO BY TWO NOW IT’S TIME TO GO NOW IS THE TIME TO SEIZE THE DAY TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME MORNING GLOW IS HERE AT LAST TONIGHT TONIGHT THERE’S ONLY YOU TONIGHT WISHING YOU WERE SOMEHOW HERE AGAIN WILL YOU BRING ME TO LIGHT

7,364 notes

dinzeeyz:

what if Dipper summons Bill just to rant at him

dinzeeyz:

what if Dipper summons Bill just to rant at him

634 notes

prokopetz:

Why do the movies never show us this Spider-Man?

(Source: breakourbones)

65,756 notes

ikimaru:

finished some more of those drawings from the other day :^)

12,400 notes

apogeesystem:

when someone tries to explain how to do something and all you hear is

image

(Source: dimensionaltravelerswelcome)

328,380 notes

  • Band director: STACCATO
  • trombones: *loUDER????*

16 notes